Spiritual Challenges

Oftentimes we are challenged in our spiritual beliefs and those challenges become exemplified when we experience a betrayal. This can raise questions that can shake our faith or solidify it. Both are normal reactions to trauma and working through these challenges is an important facet to effective healing.

Questions are often akin to the following:

*Why would God put me in a marriage with someone that would do this to me?

*How could God let this happen?

*What does God want me to do with this?

*Will God ever forgive my spouse his sins?

*What will God think of me if I don’t forgive my spouse?

These are difficult questions to answer and there is no one-size-fits-all that will cover every circumstance. Since spiritual beliefs are deeply personal, each of us has to find what works for us but there are some considerations to take along your journey to finding those answers.

1. You are engaged in a deeply intimate relationship if you are a spiritual believer. Your other intimate relationship in your marriage was attacked and blown up with a betrayal. It makes sense to question all the intimate relationships and look for security in them as you move through this process. Including the one with God.

2.  You may recognize as a part of this process that you have areas of your faith that need to be shored up. Missing areas of connection and understanding. This is a gift that allows you to build upon or start anew a relationship with God that has an even deeper meaning.

3. Your expression of emotion is healthy and necessary – as long as it is not destructive to you or someone else. One of the blessings (and some might say curses) of humanity is the expression of emotions. They are there for a reason. Don’t be ashamed or afraid of them.

4. You can still love and be angry. It does not diminish you to express applicable anger and hurt. You have these feelings by design.

5. You have an obligation to be safe in any relationship you have. This is honoring yourself as a child of God. That safety is physical, emotional and psychological. If you are allowing yourself to be abused, you are not taking responsibility to protect and honor yourself as God’s gift.

6. Human beings are just that…human. Fallible as the day is long. Understanding that we are responsible for our actions and choices puts perspective into our decision making. If we feel that we have no accountability and act as such, we can more easily hurt those around us. 

7. Be careful not to idolize your marriage. The contract is an agreement to abide by a set of standards.  If the contract is broken over and over again, what is the validity of that agreement? If you are more attached to the marriage vision than the actual health of the relationship, you could be misleading yourself into thinking that the best option is to do nothing.

8. Forgiveness can be a process. It varies by faith and can be offered in some and requested in others. What does it mean to you? How do you find it in yourself and how would you want it from others? Real forgiveness is a gift to your soul. If it takes time to get there, but it’s real as opposed to “something I have to do immediately” is that the better choice?

Joining a support group or faith-based group can help you work through these questions along with counseling. Sharing your challenges may bring you closer to the connections you have in church, etc. If you’re uncomfortable sharing in your home church/parish/temple, etc., check out options in other facilities where you will be more anonymous. 

Remember that God will be with you no matter where you are – you just have to welcome Him to walk beside you on your journey of healing.