It Feels Like We're Roommates
You met, fell in love, married, had kids...seemed like the perfect story. You had good conversation, fun, respect and commitment. You loved and lived as a couple and then over time you started to feel the distance growing until all of a sudden your storybook life looked more like roommates passing in the night.
Sound familiar? Let's explore that a little bit more. How did it happen? Did I cause it? Does he just not love me anymore? Are we just bored with each other? These are all sound questions as we try to rationalize why a relationship changes and in these cases, not for the better.
"How did it happen" - There are myriad reasons that a relationship suffers and some are much more serious than others. A proven common denominator is communication break-down. We'll talk in-depth about communication in a future BLOG, but understand that undisclosed angst, fear, and worry only lead to more negative self-talk and that can feed the widening gap in the relationship until it reaches the "roommate" status.
"Did I Cause It" - Women typically tend to analyze their broken relationships from a first-person line of sight. While this is a really good thing (seeing your part in the breakdown), it can become consuming and not allow for both parties to share responsibility. There may be culpability, but there may also be reasons that you have no concept of. Working toward understanding the underlying issues before going to self-blame is critical.
"Does He Just Not Love Me Anymore" - Maybe. I know that's a really hard one to hear and not one I like to say, but the reality is that it might be the case. Or, he DOES love you but due to other circumstances, he doesn't know how to safely communicate that love to you. In cases of betrayal, it's common to wonder if indeed he EVER loved you, but in many of those situations, he really did and does, but has to get his issues under control...more on this later.
"Are We Just Bored With Each Other" - Well, this question begs a whole list of other questions. Is there respect in the relationship or are you as a couple just tolerating each other? Do you put any effort into keeping your friendship alive? Do you count on each other for all of your happiness? Etc, etc. Boredom is not usually the central issue, but what can be is a lack of sharing what is really going on in your mind as well as your spouse's.
Is There Hope? Yes, absolutely. Now, here's the challenging part; there's some really hard work that needs to be done. A complete self-inventory first then a look at what the goals of the relationship are. Are both parties willing to work on it or are you traveling the path alone? Either way, opening your own eyes to the reality of your relationship and stepping up to the work ahead will surely bring you to a place with a healthier perspective and hopefully, to a more committed and happier life.